My Sanctuary In This World
i’m in the desert
i haven’t seen you
for months
perhaps years
or centuries
what is time
but a potent trick
of perception
an illusion so great
we hoard it
in our bodies
as memories
and aging
trapped in time
and in body
i haven’t seen you
for a long
long time
i want
you to know
more than
anyone else
how much
i’ve suffered
in this time
in the desert
crushed and broken
in excruciating pain
everyday i had to battle
an army
of devious
seductive monsters
of wrathful, vengeful
monarchs
of those who wanted
nothing but darkness
punishment and pain
i was so terrorized
at times,
at other times
so exhausted
i wanted
never to wake up
to days
that were darker
than nights
at least at night
sleep was some respite
the days were long
and i was their captive
imprisoned, bound
unable to move
to any other
inner or outer ground
face to face with
the never-ending demons
of an inner world
one day i would vanquish
a fiend
the next day it would
reappear
mocking me
as if to say
you thought you had conquered me
but look
here i am again
and as i burnt him
into the light
one more time
he would whisper
with confident derision
i’ll see you again
this went on for
so many days
i forgot if there had
been another time
another place
another me
another life
i forgot hope
and my most fervent prayer
i forgot how to sing
and how to savour
anything
and i wanted nothing
neither life nor death
until one day
the words exact
of my most ardent prayer
were echoed back
to me
and i prayed
and i prayed
with every painful move
and every fearful step
i prayed
most fervently
and the pain
and the shadowy army
of monsters
and fiends
started to melt
and retreat
and then i heard
news of your coming
and it was the coming
of a new army
an army of thick
life-giving
monsoon clouds
and suddenly
i realized
it’s been so long
since we met
reminders of you
had flown past my
parched lips
and burning eyes
like dry twigs
in the desert sand
but now
i sit under the shade
of the promise
of rain
of life renewed
in this desert
of the promise
of your presence
and your voice
and your eyes
and that which
you are
which cannot be
seen or heard
or named
and as i wait
for your arrival
i remember
all the pain
i could share
with no one else
but you
and as i wait
for your arrival
all that pain
gets washed away
and soothed
just because i know
soon you’ll be here
and your kindness
has been
for as long as i’ve known
my sanctuary
in this world
28th august 2015
dedicated to my beloved Shaykh Ebrhaim Etsko Schuitema
from the upcoming book: "The Truth Is Love"
image: with thanks via Iraj Jahanshahi on facebook
for a copy of "Set My Heart On Fire" in pakistan nalayn publications
in South Africa intent publishing
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